• Johan

Proud men ..... LOVE

Updated: Apr 24

Love can be described in many different ways and often depends on who the person is that was asked to describe it. Many would however suggest that it is something "you would know the feeling when you hav

e it" or even still "a feeling deep inside you for somebody or some thing". I guess that most of the descriptions one would get from such a survey would probably connect love in some way, to a feeling.


Men like to describe themselves as human beings (contrary to many opinions, this is true) that prefer to "do" things rather than "feeling" them, be "fixers of things that are wrong" rather than "explaining how we feel and why". And we end up not talking, often not even thinking, about love and we actually shy away from this topic. But this is only a problem because we think seem to that love is a feeling.


It is said that "love makes the world go around" . And if we (men) are really honest about this, we would recognise that in the history of the world, men have done many things in the name of this love thing. We have made war because we love our freedom or love our nation, we have made enemies because we love our sports team and we have stepped on people in our attempts to progress because of our love for power, success or money. Just take a moment and you will realise, that our world has "gone around" because of the love we have had for .... things.


But what about people? Oh yes we say, we love people. We work hard because we love our families....and then we end up with homes without dads. We give them all they want .....and end up divorced. We fight to give them a future ..... and end up with wars that take away their present life.


If feelings is not love, and things and people we say we love end up in shambles, what then is love?


Well, what if we provide, just for us men, the following definition of love:


"Love is everything that you do that shows that you chose to put the needs of the one you love above your own needs".


If this definition is acceptable, then we should admit that love, being a decision (chose) we make, is much more than an emotion and it is NEVER about the one that does the loving thing. We can then also understand why our historical efforts to love (read the examples given above again) often ended up in chaos. And, of course, if it is a decision and NOT a feeling, it makes it easier for us men to talk about it.


The definition also seems to suggest that when we

  • make decisions that have the other person's best interest at heart and

  • do not we act in ways that will hurt (or be-little) the other person.

we are actually LOVING this person.


When we understand this, we realise that we have not been loving our families and that we should change. This is something we often find difficult. To admit failure and change. I believe that for men to do this, they should realise where this type of love, the real thing, comes from.


Love was provided to be a good, essential thing to sustain people living on earth. To know that there is someone that will do himself / herself damage, just so that I can be OK, surely stirs up tremendous gratitude in anybody. We love to watch movies where the hero puts himself in danger to save the others. So we know this concept and the feeling it produces in us. I believe it is this gratitude that someone is willing to suffer so that I do not have to, that produces the "feeling" part of love.


The Bible teaches in 1 John 4 verse 8  that "Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love". Not has love for us, or feels love for us ....... but IS LOVE.


If that is so, we should look at how God acts out this love for us, so that we can understand how we should act towards people. The question is thus : Does He or has He ever made a decision (CHOSE) to put the needs of people above His own needs?


Well, lets look at a few ways God acted out the LOVE that He says He is:

  • John 3 verse 16 : For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that whomever believes in Him would not die, but have everlasting life

  • 1 John 3 verse 16 : This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us. We too, then, ought to give our lives for others.


In these verses, Scripture explains that God was willing, and that He actually CHOSE to put the need of man (creation) above His own feelings for His Son (to give His Son) and Jesus CHOSE to hang on the cross to die, putting the need of man, above even His own life.


If our God ignored His feelings and gave His own life for the needs of people as the ultimate DECISION to show man what love is, surely we should also practice this and chose other's needs above our own?


If we make this directly applicable to us, the way God IS suggests that we should chose to be willing to go so far for the love we have for our families, that we would EVEN give our lives away so that those we love may have life or better life or a safer life.


How can we ignore this kind of LOVE and not try to be a part of it?


It is said that our decisions are made in the brain and that the body will always follow the brain's decision. When you make the choice to love the way God loves, your body will put this into action. You will then find that a love like this means that behaviours such as:

  • hurting, maiming .........as that does damage to the body if physical, and to the soul if psychological and does not give or improve life ....

  • killing .......as that takes life and does not give it....

becomes totally unacceptable to you and you will stop it.


It also means that:

  • all your choices will be made for the benefit of those you love (and not yourself) and

  • all your actions will uplift, improve and benefit those you love (and not yourself).


Can you say this of your kind of LOVE for your wife, your children, today?


Whether you can say it is or admit that it is not, lets make the decision to have this kind of love, to show them this kind of love in action and to teach them to also love in this way.


This kind of love has to be taught by example, under all conditions and situations, all kinds of stress and pressures, yes, even during lockdown. You have to make the decision to love like this and then live it out every day, every way you can.


The results will impact on all around you and for many years from now you will see the positive results .....

  • When you love your wife in this way, your son will see it and love his wife in the same way, one day.

  • When you love your children like this, they will transfer that same love to their children when the time comes.

  • When you have love like this towards woman and children in general, other men will see and will want to copy your behaviour.

  • When you love all people this way, the world will be a better place.


Will YOU do this ?

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