• Johan

Proud men ..... value marriage

The institution of the marriage between a man and a woman has for centuries been part of our cultures. All cultures, independent of what they believe or what their culture's rituals are, understood from day 1 that a man and a woman is required to go into some form of arrangement so that their culture, their family, their nation can continue to exist.

You could say that this is a simple biological fact that you need male and female to produce offspring and that is why this was done. Or you could say that somehow man and woman understood that their being together was required not only for continued existence but for staying together, creating a life together and forming a family.

I would immediately argue for the latter opinion and despite the fact that many people would be able to provide more alternatives, I would like to discuss my choice in the hope that you would hear me and be convinced.

I suppose the family within which each of us grew up, contributed to the ideas we have of the life a man and a woman carve out for their family in this world. I am sure that there are many failures we can list that may give you a reason to immediately discard this discussion. But, as always, I would like us to be consistent in how we evaluate and approach life in all its aspects.

So lets start there. I would like us to list

  • How many people promote that all banks be closed because they had a bad experience at a bank.

  • How many sportsmen (or woman) requested that sports be stopped because they had a bad game.

  • How many people promote stopping the schooling system, because they failed a test or two,

  • and so I can go on.

Now lets ask ourselves what our advice would be to the people we talked about above. We would probably say:

  • To the person with money that, despite having had a bad experience with a bank, that the banking system is so much more than this one experience and has shown over many years still to be the safest way of dealing with your finances.

  • To the sportsman we would say practice harder, eat healthier, become fitter but do not give up. Sport brings out the better in you if you just persist.

  • To the school pupil we would say, come on, one test does not make you a failure or school unnecessary. Work harder and try again until you succeed and you will look back and say : School has been good.

This all sound about right?

Then why would we use a bad experience of (parents) or in (yourself) marriages to start saying that this is an outdated institution, something that should be stopped, that it has had its role in the "old" days, but now serves no purpose?

Why do we want to terminate the marriage, just because we failed some of the tests or lost some of the games?

We shout: Stop the system, the sport or the school because we had a bad experience ! Surely not !

Marriage is so much more than two people living together. Its something that once you fully understand it, you will continue to support it, grow it, develop it, protect it. It is, however, so many things that we cannot cover it all in this blog, so I will try and show you one of the amazing things about marriage (and maybe later we will expand on it).

If you think you know where and how marriage originated, which culture and which year, you may just be surprised to hear that it started with the first people created on earth.

Gen 1:27 states that "God created man in His own image". He made man in His image, out of dust and breathed His breath of life into man (Genesis 2:7).

Please be clear, that does not mean that man is God, that means man is "like" God.

(For the mathematical minded people a good description is when we say that two triangles are called "similar". This means that they look similar in shape, but the one has to be resized to become exactly like the other).

Man was made to "|ook like" or "be similar" to God but not be "the same as" God. If we accept that, it means that in looking like Him, the man created could not have been made any better.

Then in Gen 2: 19 God looked at man and then at everything else He had made and noted "it is not good for the man to be alone".

So He made woman (wow man !) out of the man (not out of dust this time). He took the man and separated those things He decided belongs in a woman from that belonging to a man and made two people out of one and called one man and the other woman.

The key to this is that He took something that was one and made it two. And then He went on later and stated that man will leave his parents and cling to woman and "they will become one" (Gen 2:24). This does not only refer to the sexual act as often interpreted, but it goes much deeper. It actually states that when a man and a woman gets together in this special relationship we now call marriage, the two, together, will again be ONE, just as they were originally created.

Getting into this relationship we call marriage thus completes the cycle, where man and woman were borne separately but become ONE again in marriage.

This is so much more than just getting married, this is becoming a complete being again.

This is not just a cultural thing, something we do because we must, it is something that fulfils the man and woman, as they are now together about as perfect as they could be.

When a man and woman takes this step of marriage to live as one, they fulfil one aspect of their destiny that already started when the first man and woman were created. Being ONE again. This is how God intended it to be. That is how He made us.

But this also means I must not let a bad experience or a failed test or a lost game stop me from continuing to become this complete being with my wife.

Please note that when we fail a test or lose a game, we do not change schools or sports, we continue in the sport we play and the school we are in. I thus do NOT change wives if I fail a test or lose a game or some money. But it does mean that I should select carefully when I do take a wife and that I then have to do all I can to become one with this person, not give up, stop the game or change schools, ever.

What I need you to hear Proud Man, is that your wife is the one that will make you complete. This is not just a nice romantic statement in a movie : "you complete me" (as in Jerry McGuire), but is the actual truth. That is how God made us, that we would complete each other.

Its because of this that I then treat her well, protect her, serve her, respect her, as in doing that, she makes me a better man and I make her a better woman.

Why would I hurt that?

Why would I not try my best to get all of this?

Come on Proud man, this is just the tip of the iceberg on what marriage really is, but is it not what you really want? To be complete?

Then do what you do in work and sport. Practice, study, make an effort, show you want to, work hard!. And if you do, I assure you that you will feel as complete as never before.

Just ask those who (by God's Grace) got it right.

It is how it is supposed to be.

Do not give up on that!