Why should men change?
I am proud to be a man. Not boastfully proud of what I am, but rather “not ashamed” of who I am.
Even when many men are being reported to behave more like "animals" than humans, I am still proud to be a man, since the man my parents raised does not murder or rape, does not hurt or even threaten to hurt or behave disrespectfully towards woman.
Because I am proud of who I am, I cannot accept the generalised accusation of all men as "bad" and because I cannot accept it, I must do something about it when I am grouped with others that have no regard or respect for women or children?
Well, if you agree with this statement, how much will it take for you to stand up and join me in making sure that we will once again be regarded as a men, real men? All proud men are invited to stand up with me and be counted, to not only behave well, but also to expect good behaviour from the men around us. Maybe even improve the way we are teaching the future men on how a real man behaves around women.
Before you even think that I accept the behaviours of those who treat woman like lesser beings, and before you continue and support the name calling of men as “trash” and “dangerous”, please read the next sections and join us in changing all men in ways that will make us proud of being men again.
Severe criticism of South African men has been expressed in the media over the last few months due to unacceptable actions such as the murder, rape and abuse of women and children perpetrated by our men. This criticism is valid and the facts are not disputed and definitely not excused.
Due to these undisputed actions, severe “men bashing” has occurred in the media, where many joined in to call men “trash” while some authors went to substantial lengths to indicate their low opinion of men in our country.
The #AmInext movement expressed the fear women have of men in this country.
In an article in the Sowetan on 3 September 2019, Karabo Ledwaba writes about “disgust that women have to deal with from all men in this country” and then adds this significant conclusion: “Not all men? Well, to me it is all men until proven otherwise”.
Can we blame women for attitudes like these?
But, the worst is that we have to admit that not only did some men act in these unacceptable ways, but the rest of us have been standing by silently, watching and doing very little to absolutely nothing to address this concern.
That there had to be such a major outcry in the media before we started to act, is not excusable. Let me be the first to ask forgiveness from all women that I have not acted previously and condoned unacceptable actions by being silent.
For many years we have been counselled that calling a person names such as “stupid”, will eventually result in that person acting in that specific manner. It is referred to as the “power of the spoken word” and we have been re-trained on how to talk to our children so that we build them up and not break them down, to create the environment within which they will act as they believe they are.
In the same way, branding men as “trash” will constantly inform them that it does not matter how they act, they are and always will be "trash". Eventually, they may stop caring about the way they are viewed and
act in ways that will confirm this. I often find this already evident in the way men
speak when ladies are present, with "unedited" words often flowing from their
mouths with no concern on how this may be perceived.
I believe name calling will not solve the problem we are faced with
and should STOP.
STOP NAME-CALLING STOP NAME-CALLING STOP NAME-CALLING
Is it not time for men to come to a point where we say:
“this is enough, WE will no longer accept these behaviours.....and …..what can WE do to change it? "
How can we prove to women that South African men are real men and not at all the trash they perceive and that we are not disgusting?
By changing this ourselves, without them forcing us and just because it is the correct thing to do. Not name calling, nor criticism, nor tasking government or churches or schools to act or ignoring the problem will change what is busy happening.
It will have to be US, you and I. WE actually have to start doing something to
change the way men think about and act around women.
YOU must do something if you want to change this, you can not leave this
just to ME or to OTHER men, or allow teaching on correct male behaviour
to the MOTHERS of our sons.
IT WILL HAVE TO BE YOU !
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!
Lets confirm again: MEN will have to change the perception women have of them themselves, nobody else will do it for us.
In a News24 report in October 2019, on a demonstration against gender-based violence in Gugulethu, a supporter of the demonstration uttered these words : "It is time now as men, to take a stand and say enough is enough. It starts with us, and until we fix ourselves as men, then nothing will come right."
An October 2019 article on Parent24.com made a few important statements that include:
Boys who do not learn to manage their impulses and abide by limits, are prone to grow into adults who think that society’s laws are beneath them.
Your son needs love and discipline to grow up good and strong. Discipline is to TEACH your son to behave well and learn to live a moral life, it includes limits, structure, discouragement of poor behaviours, setting clear expectations and encouraging and inspiring good behaviour.
Boys should be exposed to good adult men close to him, such as fathers, teachers, coaches or family members.
Three basic steps are suggested for good roles to be imparted on any young man: Model, Teach and Monitor. Modelling is how he sees men should act by the way his male models act, teaching of the required behaviours are critical and monitoring, ensuring it is implemented is crucial to making the behaviours permanent.
WE WILL HAVE TO DO IT !
> We have derived a 5 Step process for all who joins this movement out of free will, which we believe will have the desired outcomes.
It is necessary for all men to openly accept responsibility for what is happening in our country and the way many men act. Also, accept responsibility to solve this problem and not leave it to “others” to restore ourselves.
Men must ask women to be forgiven for how many of us men act, but also for not protecting them as we should have, for not standing up sooner, for not teaching our sons how to treat women with respect and love and also for acting poorly ourselves.
We have to act now! If we do not, we will create a generation of weak men who has forgotten what the word “man” means, unable to be what they should be. Words are not enough anymore, action is required.
Teach acceptable behaviours to men and also men-to-be within your sphere of influence. Use information such as that provided on this site, to teach others what real men really are and how they should behave!
Then, expect and even demand the correct behaviours of your sons, expect it of the boys at school, expect it of male friends and family members, expect it of your daughter’s boyfriend, your son-in-law, expect it of our government officials, expect it of our politicians, expect it of our fathers and sons and speak out when it is broken!